Sharing is Good

This is a direct cut and paste from my school discussions today.


The textbook mentions two methods which have greatly influenced how I perceive myself, the reflected appraisals of others and social comparisons (Hybels & Weaver, 2007, p. 32-34). As a child, I was the quiet, nerdy, fat kid. The children around me often reinforced these qualities. I often considered myself an outsider to a large degree. These feelings of inadequacy and exclusion stayed with me for a number of years and even now, I have a hard time removing the shackles of this old self-concept.

During my late teens and twenties, my self-perception remained unchanged for the most part and perhaps even worsened as the downward spiral of alcohol abuse consumed my life. I was aware of my problem but felt isolated and unsure of how to effect change in my life. Perhaps the most important moment of my life came after my one and only D.U.I. While in the detox facility, I was required to attend a group meeting. Therein the counselor asked the group if anyone had a drinking problem. I was the only one who raised a hand. At that point, I looked sheepishly around the room and said, “I am in pajamas and bootie slippers, sitting around a room in detox, with a bunch of strangers during Valentine’s weekend. I have a problem.”

Beginning with that moment, my life and perhaps more importantly the way I perceived myself changed. I no longer use alcohol as a way to escape myself. If I encounter difficulties in life, and we all do, I find other ways to cope and adapt. The people in my life, some of whom knew me in my drinking days, play an important role in shaping the way I perceive myself every day. Dealing with alcoholism is not a war to be fought and won, it is a battle waged every day. Without the support and reflected appraisals of my friends and family, I would have lost long ago.

In line with my early adolescent feelings of isolation, I put very little emphasis on social comparisons, though I am acutely aware of them. As noted in the texts, the average American will receive 40 – 50 million commercial messages as to what the “ideal you” should be (Hybels & Weaver, 2007, p. 34). I am not the car I drive, nor is my worth as a human being a derivative of how much money I make or what clothes I wear. My physical appearance is not a measure of my worth. Could I stand to lose some weight and quit smoking to further improve my health? Sure I could, but life is a process of change, sometimes steady, sometimes instantaneous. I will change at my own pace, not one dictated to me by "social standing" and the plurality of the moment.



Reference
Hybels, S. & and Weaver, R.L., (2007). Communicating effectively (8th Ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill.